What if No One's Watching?

I am one of those women who has always felt very much "like a girl." As is, I think, not the case for everyone, it's always been clear in my head that however you conceptualize gender (a binary or a continuum or an artificial construct completely), I fall, by nature or nurture or for some other reason, pretty well on the female end of it. This has been at odds, sometimes, with how I've been treated--I assume due to my size, but maybe for other reasons as well, I've not always been treated as "girly" in some of the same ways I've heard other women describe. I've not too often felt that I was being protected, or coddled, or that I was on the receiving end of acts of chivalry.

Pregnancy has changed that. Unlike some other women, pregnancy hasn't really made me feel "more female," but it's certainly changed others' treatment of me in ways that I identify as female-specific. People (men, in particular) rush to open doors. Nobody wants me to carry anything. I am asked how I am feeling at least ten times a day. As I get progressively bigger, people are more and more helpful, or at least are trying to be. And I'm not going to lie--it's nice. When I feel badly or am having trouble getting around, it's REALLY nice. But these kinds of gender-related niceties don't come without a cost, another side to the coin, and I've noticed a good bit of that side since I've been pregnant as well.

One example that has come up over the past few days is in Mark's and my interactions with two older men, both of whom are pediatricians we're interviewing. The first interview was terrible for all kinds of reasons, but the sexist undercurrent of it was definitely one of them. First, the doctor assumed that Mark and I were brother and sister. I didn't figure out until later that his confusion came from my selecting "unmarried" on his intake form. When we told him we were the baby's parents, we just weren't married, he was puzzled and seemed perturbed, then said something about how that must be normal in "hippy, granola land" (I had previously mentioned being from Oregon). Whatever. That kind of thing happens less and less, but it does still happen. Later, he asked if "Mom" (that would be me) would be returning to work after the baby was born. No questions about "Dad's" plans. And so on and so forth.

The second interview was much better, and we may actually use that particular pediatrician. However, as I reflect on it after the fact, there were even more sexist assumptions involved. The question about "Mom" returning to work was repeated. The doctor mentioned having evening hours available for appointments "so that Dad can come, too." An anecdote about not knowing whether to call the nurse advice line or go to the ER was illustrated with a frazzled, uptight stay-at-home-mom and a father who "just wanted some dinner when he got home from work!" Most tellingly, though, even though Mark and I were both right there, the doctor addressed only me when discussing all of the baby health decisions one makes in a child's first few months of life, then addressed only Mark when discussing insurance and payment.

I can practically hear somebody out there thinking that these things aren't a big deal, and have to be written off as part of the cost of dealing with past generations. And there is some truth to that--I don't believe that any of these assumptions would preclude this doctor from providing good medical care to my baby (which is why he's still in the running). I also think, to some degree, they are par for the course when one is having a prolonged personal discussion with someone two generations older. However, these things ARE a big deal. The assumptions on which these comments were precluded are invasive, and they are harmful. Though the sexism to which I refer in the title of this post may appear, and be intended to be, benign, it's really not. The same set of assumptions that led our pediatrician candidates to ask if I'd be going back to work, but not ask the same question of Mark, are the ones that help make it harder for a woman to get hired or be taken seriously in her job. The picture the doctor painted, of a frazzled, possibly hysterical stay-at-home-mom keeps scads of women second-guessing their own judgement, intelligence, and choices. Assuming that I'd make our kid's medical decisions and Mark would pay his/her bills does both of us a disservice (aside from being simply untrue).

I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to address this type of ingrained sexism. Yes, I could have argued with each assumption as the doctor made it, but how likely would it have been to have made any difference in the mind of a man who has been practicing medicine for 50 years? I could refuse to take my child to a sexist doctor, but I'm not at all sure that would leave me with a provider at all. The best thing I can think to do is continue, as a parent, to live my life the way I have tried to so far, rejecting archaic gender assumptions in my actions. Yes, I will be returning to work. Yes, I can pay that bill. No, I don't need to ask my husband (and no, we aren't married anyway). My hope is that these actions, taken by me and millions of other women, will slowly change assumptions. I have to admit, though, that the hope feels a little pie-in-the-sky. I am realizing, as I get progressively more pregnant and as I reflect on parenthood, that it may be even harder to wiggle out from under gender-based expectations as a mother than it is as a non-mom. Another new challenge.

Wittlebee is a fairly new entrant into the crowded curated subscription field, and I love the concept. For $39.99/month, they sent a box of 8ish clothing items for your baby or toddler, customized to the size, gender, and taste preferences you specify. Wittlebee is sort of a combination of the curated subscription model (since their stylists pick out the actual items you receive) and the subscribe-for-convenience model. Given the rate at which kids grow, and how busy parents are, this combo seems to make good sense.

For the purposes of my trial, I told Wittlebee that I would like 3-6 month sized clothes in gender neutral styles, that I was specifically in need of short-sleeved and long-sleeved shirts and onesies, pants, shorts, and pajamas, and that I preferred bright colors to pastels. I further indicated that my child's personality was "hippy," (other options included
things like "princess," "diva," "mix & match," "casual," "preppy," and "sporty") and that I needed clothes mostly for around the house (rather than, for example, "Cold Weather Cuddles" or "Hot Summer Days"). There is also a free-form space where you can put in any specific preferences, or you can request a personal consult with a "mom stylist." I didn't do either of those things.

I neglected to make note of when I ordered my box, but I am fairly sure it came within the two week window the site mentions. It didn't seem to take long. The packaging was nice--a heavy cardboard box with the yellow tissue-paper wrapped clothes folded nicely inside, exactly like what Wittlebee shows on their site. A promotional sticker and small bee logo toy were also included. When I unpacked the box, this is what was in it:

The contents:
-Baby Lulu pink and silver striped hat
-soft blue hat with no label
-Kidcosmic black, green, and white bib
-American Apparel Infant Baby Rib Karate Pants in Red and Olive (retail $12 each)
-Cottonseed Short-Sleeved Onesie in Sunflower (retail $16)
-American Apparel Infant Baby Rib Short Sleeve One-Piece in Red (retail $11.50)
-Baby Avenue onesie in white (can't find online anywhere)
-Cottonseed Long Sleeve Lap Tees in Tangerine and Turquoise (retail $16 each)
-Cottonseed Short Sleeve Lap Tee in Pomegranate (retail $16)

If I only count the value of the pieces I could find online (all the clothes except the white onesie and neither of the hats or the bib), that's $99.50 worth of clothes, at full price! I can't argue with that, especially since I got my box with a 1/2 off coupon, so I only paid $20!

Overall, I was impressed by the quality of the things Wittlebee sent. I'd not heard of Cottonseed before, but their t-shirts and onesie are made out of thick, soft cotton, and I think they'll be very useful. American Apparel I am less excited about, because I hate that particular company, and I'd prefer Wittlebee not use them at all. The additions from small boutiques like Baby Lulu and Kidcosmic were really cool as well, I thought--a good mix of big companies and smaller ones.

One thing I noticed right off was that the items I received were very, very basic/plain. Looking at the boxes other people have received, I think this is probably because I asked for a box for a baby, and I asked for it to be gender neutral. I suspect offerings for older kids are a bit more creative. Wittlebee is also pretty gendered in how they set up their style questions (very few options are the same for both boys and girls), so the stylists probably don't have a ton of gender neutral items on-hand to choose from. That said, my stylist clearly paid attention to the preferences I indicated--everything was the right size, I got short and long-sleeved shirts, onesies, and pants, as I requested, and all the colors were bright and gender neutral.

From what I can tell, Wittlebee is doing an excellent job with the service they're offering--keeping busy parents from needing to replace kids' clothes all the time, introducing fun new styles and brands. But it's not a bargain service--$40/month is, to me, a lot for kids' clothes, even if they are three times that much new. I also don't have a good idea, yet, as to whether this size box, monthly, is really necessary for a kid--do they ruin/outgrow things that fast?

I think Wittlebee is something I'll try again when this baby is a bit older and I can thrift wearables for him/her less easily. At that point, I hope Wittlebee will have introduced a quarterly option, like Lost Crates has done, as I think that's more my speed at this price point. If you have the disposable income and don't like to or have time to shop for kids' clothing, though, I would definitely give them a try. Take a look around online for coupon codes, too, as I have seen several 50% off your first box codes floating around.

Not too long ago, I featured some great spring pieces on sale at Lands' End. Stunned was I, then, to pop over to their site to check something out and see even more wonderful pieces for summer. I absolutely LOVE their current collections! So, even though it's been less than two months since the last time I told you how much I love them, I'm going to do it again. Most of these things have no hope of fitting my pregnant and immediately post-partum self, so I thought I'd pass them on to you instead.

The real high point, in my opinion, is the dresses. Lands' End is just making wonderful dresses right now. Some examples?

Women's Regular Short Sleeve Cotton Modal Drapeneck Dress, shown in Cayenne, $55

I love this dress. The neckline is so flattering, and the pima cotton/modal blend should be a great, soft, wrinkle-free fabric. One of the reviewers on the site says that the dress feels like "a high quality t-shirt," and I love that idea.The simple cut would be flattering on tons of bodies, and I adore that it's available in four bright colors. Yay for moving away from neutrals! It is available in regular and petite sizes XS-XL. A similar dress (same fabric and colors, different neckline) is also available in plus sizes.

Women's Regular Sleeveless Cotton Modal Pattern Fit and Flare Dress, $55

This dress is made of the same pima cotton/modal blend fabric as the previous one, so it would again be soft and wrinkle-proof. I love the "liberty blue floral" pattern, and the fit and flare style is so flattering and versatile. It is available in regular and petite sizes XS-XL and plus sizes 1X-3X. If you aren't into the floral, the same dress is also available in a bunch of solid colors.

Women's Regular Surplice Dot Embroidered Dress, $120

I love a shirt dress, but I love this one extra much because of the awesome cayenne with embroidered white polka dots fabric, and the fact that the wrap is faux (secured at the waist). The idea of a wrap dress always serves me so much better than the reality. Everything about this dress looks perfect, though--the cap sleeves, the v-neck, the just-above-the-knee hem...love it. It is available in regular sizes 2-18 and petite sizes 2-16.

Though the dresses are my favorite of Lands' End's summer offerings, they aren't falling down in other areas, either. There are some really cute tops available, including:

Women's Regular Lightweight Pleat Scoop Shell, shown in Navy Print, $30

I love the print on this shell--available in navy, sisal (beige-ish), and chesterfield (mustard). The large abstract florals just do it for me. I also like the scoop neck with the self-fabric trim, and the easy breezy fit. It's made of jersey, so it's going to appear pretty casual, but it's summer, there's nothing wrong with that! It's available in regular and petite sizes XS-XL and plus sizes 1X-3X.

Women's Plus Size Dot Shell, shown in Blueprint Embroidered Dot, $65

I LOVE this plus-sized only shell! I believe it is the same fabric as the shirt dress above, but available in blueprint (navy) and cayenne. It looks to be made of sturdy sateen cotton, and it's got a nice wide neckline with just a little bit of ruching that I think would look great on a number of figures. I also like that it's a bit long in length and has a subtle, figure-enhancing gather in the back. It is available in plus sizes 1X-3X.

Women's Regular Lightweight Cotton Modal Drape Shell, shown in Algae, $25

This shell is a very basic piece. It's also probably my all-time favorite shirt cut. I love sleeveless shirts, and one like this one, made of high quality but lightweight jersey, with a super-flattering draped neckline? Can seriously do ANYTHING. Even though they won't fit right now, I'm still tempted to buy a few of these (and you save $12 if you buy any 3 regularly priced knitted tops right now!). I also love love love the available colors, including this great green, Palm Pink, and bright Blueberry. This top is available in regular and petite sizes XS-XL and plus sizes 1X-3X.

I don't know that I've ever paid much attention to the shoes or accessories at Lands' End--I tend to be a bit single minded when I'm shopping on the site, I guess--but I took a look around today and they have some really cute things. None of the shoes come in my size, but if you're more average sized, I'd definitely check them out. These are my favorites:

Women's Parker Mid Wedge Knotted Espadrilles, shown in Rich Red Gingham, on sale for $39.99

Espadrilles kill me. They are such a fun throwback. And this gingham fabric (they're also available in blue or khaki gingham, chambray, and plain black) just makes them cuter. They're a 3/4" platform and a 3" heel, so they'll give some height, but they look comfortable, too. I think they'd be super cute with any of the dresses, or with shorts or cropped pants. Best yet, they're on sale for $40! These area available in regular and wide sizes 6-11.

No trip to Lands' End online is complete with a garner at the sale section. My favorite sale pieces are:

Women's Emma Classic Ballet Shoes, shown in Wood Violet, $24.97

How cute are these inexpensive ballet flats? They come in a ton of colors (my favorites, besides the purple, are gunmetal and persimmon), and they'd be SO versatile. Size availability depends on color, but ranges from 6.5-11 in both regular and wide.

Women's Regular Sleeveless Pattern Pique V-neck Dress, $34.99

I LOVE this dress. So tempted to buy it with the rationale that it will fit me someday! The tri-colored stripe, the gently draping v-neck, the soft cotton...it couldn't be more perfect. And it would be versatile, too--totally cute with a cardigan over it for work, all the way down to thrown over a swimsuit. It's available in regular and petite sizes XS-XL.

Women's Regular Fit 1 Refined Stretch Ankle Pants, shown in Black, $44.99

I believe I have mentioned before that if you're going to wear cropped pants, especially in a professional setting, I think a slim fitting, not-too-short pair, like these ones, is key. I love these pants--they read very Audrey Hepburn to me. I love that they don't hit mid-calf (what an unflattering place for a hem!), but rather just above the ankle, and I like the small, flat cuff. They're available in four colors: black, toffee, navy, and "Venetian blue," and regular and petite sizes 2-18 (with some sizes not available in all colors).

Women's Regular Ponté Knit Shift Dress, shown in Harvest Pine, $34.99

I love ponte. I love versatile shift dresses. Stands to reason, then, that I would love this simple, stylish ponte shift dress. And for $34.99, I love it even more! The slightly pleated neckline is fantastic and I love that's not just available in black, but also dark green, as shown, and claret red! Size availability depends on color, but sizes run from XS-XL, regular and petite.

The usual Lands' End shopping caveats apply--pay really close attention to size charts and reviews, because sizing can run crazy big. Be ready to return things if they don't work. But seriously, for those looking for high quality pieces that don't scream trendy? LE is doing better and better. I'm impressed.

So I'm not much of an interior decorator. And if you know me, you know just how much of an understatement that is. I LOVE nicely decorated spaces, but it's just not something I have ever done. We have a hodge podge of furniture and, despite living in our house for nearly three years now, haven't done so much as painted a wall (and they're all beige!). It's just not my thing.

So I wasn't all that stoked about this whole "decorate your baby's nursery!" thing. But Mark wanted to paint, so that the baby's room, at least, would not be beige, and we've started to collect things. So far, this is Buzzy's nursery:

We haven't actually purchased the crib yet, but that's the one we'll likely get. Mark and his wonderful parents painted the room Glidden True Turquoise with bright white trim this weekend, and put up the bamboo blind. The rug is from Ikea and I've had it for years, but I think it will be perfect. The changing table is thrifted. The crib sheet is on my registry, and if nobody gifts it to us, I'll buy it (from Target). The Oregon print was a gift from my BF.

So, what else do we need? Storage! I think we're actually going to go with putting the big wire shelving unit I used in the room when it was my closet back in, with lots of bins or baskets for holding baby clothes. I may try to make due with what we've got, or I may get new (read: matching) receptacles. Buzzy's going to need a bookshelf, so I'm hoping to thrift one. My mom made two beautiful blankets, so those will definitely be in there. And I want to get curtains--maybe just white, since there is already quite a bit of color going on. What else? Suggestions from those who are more decor inclined?

In March, I told you about my first Citrus Lane box. Since y'all were interested in the products in that box, I thought I'd go ahead and review April's offering as well. And April was just as good as March!

As before, the packaging was fine, but unremarkable--a branded cardboard mailing box and a layer of tissue paper. I apparently didn't photograph it. Inside, I found:

The box theme was "Bed & Bathtime Fun." The included products were:
-Seventh Generation Chlorine Free Baby Wipes, full-sized travel pack (estimated value $2.39): Can't complain about this extremely useful item! I figure these will be our first diaper bag wipes!
-iPlay Organic Woven Terry Hooded Towel (estimated value $25): This towel is a very nice addition to the box--it seems to be of really high quality. We have, for some reason, amassed a ton of baby towels already, but this is the nicest one we have.
-Satsuma Designs Bamboo Flannel Wash Cloths & Reusable Wipes, bundle of three (estimated value $12): These are adorable. They're made of thick, soft flannel and are plain white with colored edging. I think they will definitely be useful.
-Juice Beauty Antioxidant Serum, deluxe size sample (estimated value $45 for 2 oz, sample is about .33 oz, $7.43): This is the "mommy" addition to the box. I've been getting a ton of Juice Beauty samples all over the place lately--anybody know what's up with that? Anyway, this seems imminently usable and was appreciated.
-My Dentist's Choice Tooth Tissues, full-sized pack (estimated value $4): These puzzled me at first, but apparently they are for wiping the gums/new teeth of babies who are to little to brush. I have a hard time picturing that, but I guess it's worth trying?

Estimated box value: $50.82

As before, Citrus Lane included a cute insert the detailed each product, as well as gave coupon codes for most of them. A $15 gift certificate to Eco Mom was also included in the box (and it's an actual gift certificate--no minimum purchase required). There was also a little bit of information about establishing a bedtime routine for a baby, and some book and lullaby CD recommendations.

Overall, this box was very well put-together, with all of the items being of a high quality and useable. I have absolutely no reason to complain about any of it. With the possible exception of the tooth wipes, I think we'll put each item to good use in the coming months. Absolutely no qualms about keeping this subscription active, and recommending it!