Sunrise

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I walked Chance into an amazing golden sunrise this morning. It almost made being up at 7:30 when I don't have class until 2 worth it. Almost.

I have a stupid group project meeting at the massively inconvenient hour of 9am this morning. Then I'm coming back here and working (read: coming back here and taking a nap) before 2 o'clock class.

So far, having my schedule split into work week and school week seems to take a lot of pressure off.

I am trying to decide if I want to submit a paper/which paper I want to submit to the Women's Studies Colloquium thing. I am tempted to submit an abstract of the paper I am going to write for PD on HPV, since I would like to get more into women's health policy work, and presenting some would be good for the resume. However, I feel weird about signing up to present a paper I haven't written yet. Hrm...The deadline for abstracts is Nov. 14, so the chances of me writing it before then are pretty low, too.

Still, I think that's what I will do.

I am going to try to have grits for breakfast. We'll see how that goes.

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Mmmmm...it's Sunday night and my

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Mmmmm...it's Sunday night and my life is just good. I love my Mark, I love my dog, I love what I'm doing (school and work). I love that I made lentil soup today and it's cheap, it's good and it's nutritious. I love that even though I am tired, I am tired from actually doing school work and chores and playing with the dog. I love that the TV hasn't been on all day and isn't on now.

It's hard to just be content. I don't trust it for very long, and it worries me when things get too quiet and seem too good. But I am content with this. This is what I want. Mark and were sitting on the couch and Chance came up and sat between us (on both of our legs) and we petted him and he just stayed there for several minutes. This is my family, I thought. And it is. I love my family of origin, but this is the family I am creating--the family we are creating. There isn't anything better than that.

OK, I should go get some more reading done before I melt completely into a puddle of gooey romantic nonsense.

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Love your body day

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Love your body day:

I love my body because my skin and hair feel nice to my touch
I love my body because it allows me to adequately enjoy baths
I love my body because it allows me to see, to hear, to smell, to touch
I love my body because of the way it feels to stretch out in bed in the morning
I love my body because it is a vessel through which I can play with my dog
I love my body because it gives me sexual feeling
I love my body because it has round parts and narrow parts and identifies me as female
I love my body because I am a fast typist
I love my body because of the ultra-comfortable feeling I get after a great meal or a couple of beers
I love my body because it can dance and sing, not well, but joyfully.

Why do you love your body?

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Weekend

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Sleepy-deepy. Tony and Susan came over tonight, we all ate pizza and watched Baz's Romeo and Juliet. Susan hadn't seen it before. It was a good time. Susan and Tony left us some other movies to watch. They did that last time they came over as well. Plus we have three more from Netflix. We are awash in movies. I really really wish I could find some time to watch some of them.

I need to consult my list, but I feel like I accomplished a good amount today. Tomorrow's agenda includes the football game, reading, doing laundry, reading, reading and reading. Trying to get something out for an essay for this scholarship app. and some writing for my PRP would be good, too.

And maybe some preliminary research on internships. I met with the internship coordinator today, though, and it sounds like I am in good shape. I need to rework my resume, though, so I will have it on hand if something comes up. Should probably try to get to that this weekend as well. We'll see.

I have an econ midterm in less than two weeks. I definitely need to learn some damn econ.

For now, though, I am quite tired. I think it's time for bed.

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Em

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Deep breath.

I talked to Em on the phone a bit ago. It sounds like her mom is very sick. Dying, probably. And there is nothing I can say about that that will make it any better. I wish I could, but I can't. Still, I thought I'd call and at least let her know I am thinking about her and I am here if she wants or needs to talk. Now that I'm off the phone, of course, I can think of a few things I wish I had said. Something about how it feels to watch someone you love die of cancer, and I know that, because I have seen it a couple of times now. Something about how even though I've seen it, I can't imagine it happening to my mother. Something about how my mom is the single most important person who will ever be in my life and I can't even fucking comprehend anything like this happening to her.

But perhaps it is better that I did not say any of those things. Instead, I asked questions about the prognosis, about the trajectory of events. I think I did that because sometimes talking about things makes it easier--going over the details is something you can sort of control, you can speak about it calm, measured terms. It's easier than how you feel, it's easier than what you are afraid of.

I don't know, though. Maybe I shouldn't have called at all. I really have no idea. I know there is no way I can help.

Crying, now, for Em and her mom. And for Papa Gene, who I still miss, though I wasn't old enough to understand I was saying goodbye to him when I was. And for Grandpa Davie, to whom I was old enough to say goodbye, and that doesn't make me miss him any less.

I am so glad that Em has her God. I don't know how helpful He(he? she?) is in all this, but I think this kind of situation is one of the best arguments for keeping the faith.

I wish I had some faith I could keep with her. I wish I could pray so I could pray for her. But I can't, so I guess I'll just keep writing.

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Monday morning

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Yay. Monday morning. :)

I actually kind of like Mondays. The big chunk of time to myself in between my morning class and my evening class is nice. And it's especially nice this week, because I actually have almost all of my reading for the week (everything except for economics) done, so I don't have to feel guilty about napping instead of reading during those precious afternoon hours.

There was a big beautiful storm here last night. Thunder and lightening and the whole 9 yards. It has faded into drizzly rain today, which isn't so cool, but it's worth it. I am grateful that Chance isn't afraid of storms. He doesn't seem to even notice them, actually. When I get home and the whole house smells like wet dog, though, I'll probably be less pro-rain.

Still, the weather here is certainly nothing to complain about. I hear there are parts of the country where you have to wear a coat! :)

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Big excitement

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Big excitement this evening. Just as Mark and Chance and I were driving up the street on the way back from doggie class and there was a big accident right at the intersection practically in front of our house. Two completely smashed cars, and the kid who ran the stop sign and caused it got out of his car and ran. Mark just came in and told me that he left his license in the car, though, stupid fuck. It's going to suck to be him in awhile.

Who the hell hits someone and then runs away without even seeing if they are OK?

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