Ah, the Christmas season. Bringing unnecessary stress to a household near you!
Fuck this. Every year I get excited about Christmas in late October/early November. Every year by December 1 am so fucking tired of Christmas.
Mark's family's handling of Christmas makes me fucking crazy. They give each other Christmas lists, complete with name brands, prices, and where to buy. Where is the joy of gift-giving in that? I don't understand that at all. The whole point of gift-giving, the whole thing that makes it fun, is showing a person how you feel about them and how well you know them through what you pick out (or even better, make) for them. The point of commercialization it has gotten to when you give someone a brand-named and priced list makes it completely not worthwhile. And that is for immediate family for fuck's sake!
I feel sort of blah about my own present offerings this year as well. They aren't terrible, but they don't have quite the spark I'd like them to have. Maybe I'll feel better about it once I get everything together. One thing I do knwo, though, is that I didn't break the bank on them, and nobody got something they specifically asked for, but everyone got something I think they will like/use at least a little bit. So that's at least a step in the right direction.
I have no idea why the way Mark's family does things makes me so angry, but it really does. At that point, why bother with presents at all? Just save time and exchange checks.
I continue to be terrified about Mom's surgery. I'm sure it will be fine, but it frighens me nonetheless. I just want it to be over with already. I'm glad I get to spend a few days at home before we go to Portland, just to rest and relax before taking it on. Hopefully she will only have to stay at OHSU for one night.
I said I didn't want dinner, but now whatever Mark is cooking smells really good. Perhaps I should investigate. I'm getting a little bit concerned about my calorie counting, since it makes me think a bunch of times before I eat anything. In a way that's good, obviously, but I don't want to become someone who gets no joy out of food. I love food, and I plan to continue loving food. Just got to learn to love it a bit more responsibly.