Once again I am forced to justify bisexuality. Or not forced, really--it's just that I happened upon Tiffany's (See, I use actual names when I call people out, rather than woman-hating slang! You should try it some time, Tiffany!) little rant about my selfish, fake, cake-eating bisexuality. Yes, I know that responding is the last thing I should do, and maybe if Tiffany were the only one to feel that way I'd just let it go, but she's not and so I feel the need to try one more time to explain it.
The really funny part about what Tiffany wrote on her blog was the bit about "didn't your mother ever tell you that you can't have your cake and eat it too?" Strangely, she did. My mother also told me that she could totally understand being gay, but being bisexual is just "greedy." So it looks like mum is on your side for this one, Tiff. Good for you.
But being bisexual is not about being greedy. And it's not about double standards. And it's not about wanting to fuck women or objectify women "on the side" while remaining attached to what Tiffany so charmingly refers to as "the three-leggers." Being bisexual isn't about being confused, it's not about experimenting. It's not that much different than being heterosexual or homosexual, I wouldn't think. It's part what you choose and part the way you were born, or at least that's what it is for me. I believe I was born with the capacity to be attracted to people of either gender. I choose to embrace that capacity and not try to restrict my attraction to one gender or the other. When I was single, I chose not to restrict the possibility of getting into a relationship to those of one gender or another. And now that I am monogamously partnered with a man, I choose not to deny that I have silly little crushes on people of both genders. That's all there is to it. I could pretend that because I am in a relationship I'm never attracted to anyone outside of that relationship, but what would be the point of that? I would know I was lying, Mark would know I was lying, and things would feel secretive and dirty. I have absolutely no intention of acting on any attractions--I'm in a relationship, and being bisexual doesn't change how I feel about monogamy. But I get crushes on women as well as men.
And yes, I will even cop to getting more crushes on women than I do on men. And if I really look hard I can maybe even admit that could have something to do with my being culturally inundated with messages telling me women are beautiful and are to be looked at, etc. But I honestly don't think it's because I respect women or relationships between women less than I do men. Quite the contrary, actually--in many ways I am very sorry to have found the right man when I did, because I think I could find something totally different and in many ways "deeper" with a woman. But that's not what happened. I fell in love with a man, and that's that. Luck of the draw. I fell in love with a man--this particular man--even though I am probably more often attracted to women. Why is that so fucking hard to understand? I also fell in love with someone short even though I am usually attracted to tall folks--does that make me fake and greedy as well?
How would you like it if your every attraction was accused of being "trendy" or "greedy"? Why is my being attracted to men and women any more greedy than your being attracted to only men or only women? Is there some magic number of attractions we are allotted per lifetime and I have already used mine up?