One of the things I really love about having a blog is that when I get into a discussion about something that hits close to home elsewhere online, I can take it back to my blog and write it out for myself, without having to worry about following a discussion or answering questions that are throw at me or anything. This is my space, so I can write just what I'm thinking about it, even if others don't think that's the important part. Ultimately, I'm still responsible for what I write, of course, but I can at least do it on my terms and my timeline.
So that's good.
I read a lot of parenting blogs these days. I'm not sure how that happened exactly, as parenting isn't exactly a burning issue of mine, but I welcome it. One can never be too prepared, and the parents I read are an insightful bunch with superb writing skills. One thing I have noticed about the parenting blogs I read is that nobody hits their kids. I'm really, really happy to see that.
I think part of it is generational. People spank a lot less now than they did 20 years ago when I was a wee one, and probably less than than 20 years before, if my mum's stories are any indication. To me, that's progress.
Obviously some cases of child abuse are so egregious it's hard to see them as anything but a specific abuser's fault. That's not the way I see common spanking, though. It took me quite a while to come to this position, but I really see it as a societal thing. I've never seen my mother raise her hand to another adult, to an animal, etc. She's just not a violent person. Yet she broke wooden spoons on my ass with regularity before I was old enough to defend myself. Where does that come from? It's very difficult for me to think that's it is something within her. Rather, I think it's societal--she did what was expected of her. In that way, it's much like circumcision, which is another topic we've been discussing on The Phoenix. I don't blame moms who have their sons circumcised, even though I personally do believe it's multilation. I don't think they are personally responsible, though, because nobody knows how to parent magically, and lots of times you just muddle along and do what is expected. When and where I grew up, spanking was expected. In the U.S., circumcision is expected.
Not that I want either of these practices to continue just because they are normal. Far from it. But I don't think individual blame pointed towards the women who spank their kids or have them circumcised is a good conduit for change. It's better, I think, to shift our efforts towards parental education. I don't believe my mom would have hit us if she would have thought she had another choice. And it wasn't her fault she didn't know.