Do you ever just want to hole up by yourself for a year or two? I'm serious. I'd like nothing more right now than to just sit at my house, completely alone, and do my own thing. Read, watch TV, cook for myself. Not go out, and most of all, NOT talk to anybody. No social conventions and no responsibilities. I even want the dog to go away for awhile.
I have no idea where this is coming from, or if it's healthy or not. I have never been hyper-social, but I think I may be getting a bit overly reclusive. I have this reoccuring daydream of a tiny one-room house by the ocean (not the Atlantic or the Gulf, either, the REAL ocean) where I don't see another human being for days or even weeks at a time. Where I don't have all my shit surrounding me to tell me who I am. Swimming and eating healthy and sleeping a lot. Writing. Reading. Being.
It's bad enough that I don't want to go to parties or talk on the phone, but the thing that makes me feel really guilty is the wish that I lived alone. Most of the time, I love living with Mark, but right now....God, I wish he'd go away! And it really has nothing to do with him, either. I am feeling trapped by anyone breathing my air.
I suppose ultimately it doesn't matter whether or not it's healthy or whatever, because it's not going to happen. Getting myself stranded on a conveniently well-equipped desert island doesn't really look to be in the cards.