What if No One's Watching?

I just read this entry from BitchPhD, and it's given me some food for thought. Skye and I had a brief discussion on the same topic while we were shopping last weekend, so it's been rolling around in my brain anyway.

I am pro-monogamy. I don't think "open" relationships are, for the most part, healthy. I've said this a million times before, argued about it with people who hold different views, etc. My bottom line has always been (and still is) that I have no place judging how other people run their relationships, but if asked, I am against serious but non-monogamous relationships (like open marriages) in general, and I am definitely against them in my own life.

Mark and I agree on this, which is nice--less stress that way. And we have talked about the various reasons why--both being jealous types, etc. But the bottom line to me is that I am a finite resource. My time, my energy (sexual and otherwise) and yes, even my love, are finite. In order to give some to someone else, it would have to come from somewhere, and the danger of it coming from what I give to Mark, or, perhaps worse, from the supply I keep for myself, is too high.

I would love to believe that my supply is infinite, to believe that I could love everyone and give of myself to as many people as I deem worthy. But I already know that is not the case. Whenever I direct more attention to one area of my life, whether it's a relationship or a hobby or a job or school or whatever, I have to use less energy somewhere else. It's not just that there are only so many waking hours in day, but something less tangible than that as well. And to me, dedication less comes down to preserving your body for one specific person, and more to giving them first dibs (after yourself, because you cannot give propery to anyone else if you haven't given to yourself) on the intangibles.