You and I serve our country in a time of great consequence, and my service comes with great consequences. During this session of Congress, we have the duty to disintegrate domestic programs vital to our country, screwing as many poor people as possible; we have the opportunity to save millions of lives abroad from a terrible disease, imperialism, but instead, spread it we will! We will work for a prosperity that is broadly shared by all the rich white men of this country, and we will answer every danger and every enemy that threatens the American people, as long as they are threatening those very same rich white men.
To read the real State of the Union Address, go here. While a barf bucket will still probably be necessary, reading it isn't quite as bad as watching him talk.
This is my favorite part:
And tonight I have a message for the brave and oppressed people of Iraq: Your enemy is not surrounding your country -- your enemy is ruling your country. And the day he and his regime are removed from power will be the day of your liberation.
Indeed.