This afternoon I went to the dentist. It was just a (three month overdue) six month cleaning, not a big thing. I'm not particularly dentist-phobic, but I'm also not fond of having my mouth scraped to shit, and I am not a flosser, so cleanings always include bloody gums and a sore mouth for a couple of days. All in all, not the most pleasant way to spend an afternoon.
So I'm reclined in the chair, having my mouth scraped, and I'm reading the posters on the wall. Lots of ads for teeth whitening systems and adult braces, nothing particularly surprising. Then my eyes landed on what looked to be a BMI chart. Great, thought I, even the dentist is in on the "you're fat and you're going to die" plot. At the bottom of the poster (I couldn't read most of the writing), I noticed a label for something called "DDS System." Wonder what that is, I thought?
So I came home and looked it up. And now I am going to have to never go back to my very nice dentist, who I like very much, because I don't need to spend my time or dollars in any profesional health care providers office who advocates this shit.
DDS System is a "behavior modification system that retrains your eating habits without rewriting your menu."
Huh? And it has what do with the dentist?
Well, it's a "new, patented approach to slow down the eating process!"
Yup. It's a "discreet oral insert" that reduces the size of your mouth, forcing you to take smaller bites.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
I have a very, very small mouth. So small that in order to get actual dental work done, it has to be held open with blocks. And yet I'm fat. Why? Because the size of my mouth has absolutely fucking nothing to do with it.
And even if it did, who the fuck thinks that the answer to eating too quickly is a custom-fit piece of fucking mouth hardware? Way to circumvent the actual problem.
And it gets better. This magical mouth-filler costs $400-$500, plus the cost of your initial dental exam. They want you to pay $500 for something to shove in your mouth while you are eating. And why? Cuz you're fat. You're fat, the BMI says so, so you should pay $500, shove this thing over your soft palette,and never enjoy another meal. Good fucking idea.
Another thing? Almost every picture of on the DDS System website is of a woman. And almost every one of them is thin. So there you go.
Comments (5)
I guess this is a new-fangled alternative to wiring ones jaw shut. Ugh.
Posted by Siobhan | July 5, 2005 9:35 PM
horrifying. i'll be sure to give my dental student friends the heads-up on NOT using it.
Posted by head with wings | July 6, 2005 5:10 PM
That's beyond fucked up. I'm sorry you had this experience with your dentist. Do you think it would make a difference if you wrote to the dentist, explaining why you won't be a customer any more, and how this program not only hurts women, but makes regular patients feel like shit when all they want is to get their teeth cleaned?
Posted by Sofiya | July 6, 2005 8:13 PM
I think most dentists these days are trying to find extra sources of revenue, so they do all kinds of stupid shit. Mine made comments to me about how great my teeth would be if they were just whiter...which I have worried about all my life, and so didn't need any help worrying about.
Posted by Skye | July 7, 2005 7:51 PM
Oh for the love of Bob. That's the most unbelievable thing I have heard in a long time. Is it any wonder that our body image is so messed up these days? You can't even go get your teeth cleaned without being struck over the head about how unsatisfactory you look? Crikey. I'm sorry. I think you're lovely. Seriously. Small mouth, whatever-sized anything else, and all. :-)
Posted by Laura | July 9, 2005 2:07 PM