Sometimes you step back, way back, and take a look at your life. It's nearly impossible to do this by choice--I mean, who among us really has the kind of patience it takes to gain that perspective? However, there are certain events that seem to sort of force you back--something happens (like, uh, your dog dies) and all of a sudden you feel like you're hanging out in the rafters, watching your life unfold on stage, theater-style. And you realize it's a really bad play.
There are all sorts of things that can be wrong with it, but the one I am noticing the most in my own out-of-body view is not so much bad dialogue and melodrama (though my production certainly has its fair share of that) as it is the ridiculous amount of time spent focusing on the wrong characters. You know how you sometimes watch a movie with several subplots and when you finish you say, "Well, that was interesting, but it would have been so much better if we'd seen a lot more of X and a lot less of Y"? Well, that's my life.
What I mean is that I am blessed to have a number of wonderful people in my life. These are the people who I learn from, they are the people who are there for me when I need them, they are the people who treat me with dignity and respect. They are also the people who too often are relegated to supporting roles. They are people I too often take for granted. And where is my attention directed? More often than I'd like to admit it's directed inward, which has its own set of issues, but it's also quite often directed at other people. People who, to be totally blunt, do not deserve it.
I am not a perfect person. I'm nowhere near it. However, I am not a horrible person, and I don't deserve to be treated as one. People who do treat me that way do not deserve time on my stage. They don't deserve my tears or even my anger. And they most certainly do not deserve my friendship. They don't deserve any of my energy.
It's time to make some changes.