1500 calories a day, that is.
It's true, I'm dieting again. Yes, I am aware of the reams of research suggesting that "diets don't work" and "you have to make lifelong changes" and so on. And I hear that, I really do. I hope to get to lifelong changes in my eating habits and a commitment to exercise some day. That's a definite goal.
But the more immediate goal is to get rid of the extra 30 lbs I'm carrying as quickly as possible. My feet hurt. My knees hurt. My back hurts. And I've come to believe that my weight is inextricably linked to these problems. I want it to stop. I want my clothes to fit. I want to feel less slobby. More than anything, though, I want to be in less pain. And in order to do that, I need to lose weight. And to lose weight, quite simply, I need to take in fewer calories than I expend.
Because that's the thing. All the types of diets and "healthy eating" plans in the world don't change the fact that if you don't take in fewer calories than you burn, you don't lose weight. You may convert fat to muscle, you may change your shape, etc., but your overall body weight is not going to go down without a calorie deficit. And what I need, right now, is for my weight to go down. It's that simple. Once I get that going, I'll worry about building up the muscles.
I'm going back to the doctor to have my feet looked at again next week, but I am fairly sure I'm going to get the same answer I got last time--they are flat and worn out from carrying too much weight. I have a big body. Even at a healthy weight, it's heavy. At my present weight, it's too heavy for my feet and my joints, particularly given weak muscles in my legs and core. I have to fix that or I'm not going to feel any better.
Losing weight is hard. It depresses me to have to do it, and to have to it this way, counting up everything I eat and being hungry and unsatisifed. But I really don't see another option at this point.