Last evening, I was sucked into two hours of programming about the Duggar family. Jim Bob (nope, not kidding) and Michelle Duggar are an Arkansas couple in their late 30s who "decided to let God decide how many children they would have." So far, the count is 16--9 boys and 7 girls, ages 17 through newborn at the time the show was filmed. And they all have names that begin with a J. Seriously. Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, and Johannah Faith.
At first, I was watching the show because the logistics of life with 16 children fascinates me. I mean, how do you cook for 18 every day? What about clothes? How much does this whole enterprise cost? And that part of it was interesting. I kept watching, though, because I was both intrigued and aghast and what wasn't being said about the family.
The Duggars are fundamentalist Christians. This was clear from the program, if you were paying any attention (the girls all have long hair and wear long dresses, the children are home schooled, Michelle's speech is interjected with claims that this or that is a miracle, etc.), and any lingering doubts are cleared up by the family's website. However, the two hours of programs I watched never mentioned the family's faith explicitly, either as a reason for their having so many children and living their lives the way that they do (which it is) or in passing.
The Duggars write this on their website:
When we are out together we get questions like… “Is this a school group?”, “Are they all yours?”, “Are you Catholic or Mormon?”, “Don’t you know what causes this?” These questions give us many opportunities to share with others the hope that is in us, that children are a gift from God. We did not always view children as a gift. Michelle & I did not have any children for the first 4 years of marriage.
We chose to use the birth control pill. After our first child was born, Michelle started back on the pill, shortly after, she miscarried. We found that sometimes the birth control pill will allow you to conceive, but then cause a miscarriage.
We then realized we had the same heart attitude about children as those willfully choosing abortion (wanting to make our own plans, live our own lives, children could be a bother or interruption).
We searched the scriptures & found that God says, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: & the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them” (Psalms 127:3-5).
They make it clear, when left to their own devices, that they have so many children because they believe that's the way God wants it--i.e. they believe birth control is wrong. They also make it clear that they are happy with the publicity their large family attracts, because it gives them the opportunity to prosthletize. Why, then, were the programs about them so devoid of clear references to their religious beliefs?
While watching the Duggars, I couldn't help but think of the DeBolt family. With a total of nineteen children, the majority of whom were adopted, and the majority of whom were also special needs, the logistics of the DeBolt household were even more impressive than the Duggar's. However, in the DeBolts case, their organization was fairly low on the list of things I found to admire about them while I watched their story. In the case of the Duggars, it was just about all I could come up with. Watching the Duggars gave me the creepy feeling of being trapped, as long-suffering Michelle gestated, birthed, fed, and raised one perfect blond Christian soldier after another, all under the watchful eye of her patriarchal politician (yep, that too) husband. Looking at the Duggar's pantry, stocked with more food than the general store in my hometown, I felt disgusted. Watching the construction on their new 7,000 square foot house (where there is still just one boys' bedroom and one girls'' bedroom) felt like watching a Wal-Mart go up.
The DeBolts adopted children from all over the world, many of whom had few other options save institutionalization. They opened their lives to these kids not because they were afraid their God would smite them otherwise, or because they were building an army of people to think just like them, but because they knew they were needed and that they could help. I suspect that there was some underlying Christianity in the DeBolt household as well, but it never forced girls to do girls' work while boys did boys'. Each child in the DeBolt household seemed clear in his or her role, not just as a member of the family, but also as an individual. The Duggar children, however, when asked about whether or not they felt their individuality was stifled, were hard-pressed to come up with something more than "some of us love pickles, some don't" to prove their senses of self.
Once I started poking around on the Internet, I saw that much has been written about the Duggars already. A lot of it is not very flattering, but makes a good point about the inherent selfishness in reproducing the way that the Duggars have, and the flawed Christian logic in their doing so. Much as I dislike the tone of some of these articles, as well as their focus on the kids and Michelle as the problem, rather than putting the blame with Jim Bob, where I'd bet it actually lies, I have to agree. What the Duggars have done isn't an example of Christianity the way I see it, no matter how they may be held up by Focus on the Family and the like as a beacon of hope. If the Duggars were truly in it for the good of the children, and of the world, and felt that they had infinite love and resources to give to kids, they would have done something much more like the DeBolts. If children are indeed the heritage of the Lord, that means all children, not just the ones in your own bloodline.
Comments (9)
You say, "What the Duggars have done isn't an example of Christianity *the way I see it*..." (emphasis mine). With all due respect, who has given you the authority to sit in judgment over them? To be a Christian means to follow Christ...but nowhere in Scripture does it say it's according to your (or anyone else's) viewpoint. We're all left to puzzle out Scripture and live it (or not) according to our consciences. While I can never imagine having 17 children (natural OR adopted), I think the Duggar's should be commended for raising a family who seem to genuinely love and support each other. So what if the kids are home-schooled? At least they're getting a decent education and don't have to worry about the very real threat of knives and guns within the public school system. I'd say that's more than a fair exchange. Who cares if the kids wear long dresses and shirts buttoned to the throat? I'd take that any day over the ubiquitous belly-baring tops, g-string revealing pants, and thug-wear of today's teens. Finally, the kids are well-mannered, respectful and helpful. What parent wouldn't be thrilled at such success within their own families? Where's the "flaw" in this? Would our current society be so damaged!
The Duggars searched God's Word and His will concerning their lives. They came to a conclusion that not many these days would. They chose according to their consciences, which is their RIGHT. Before we throw stones at them for choosing what you or I wouldn't, let's take a step back and afford them a measure of grace that we expect and demand from others on our own behalf, but all too often don't extend. If the greatest sins these people have committed is staying together in marriage and raising a gaggle of good kids, well then I'm doomed.
Posted by Jen | August 3, 2007 4:30 PM
I have a personal friend who is related to this family. They are using the system and it is not fair. TLC paid for the house that was built on the show and for the road trip that they all took. They receive state aid, benefits, and charity. If they cannot afford to pay for their kids why should they have 17 of them? I dont want to pay for a family that is selfishly having more kids than they can afford.
Posted by Tammy | August 3, 2007 8:37 PM
I'm not all that interested in getting into this debate (if you look at the dateline you'll see this is an old post, but I'm sure it came up on some sort of search, since the Duggars just had another baby). I pretty much said my piece in my original post. There are few things I really don't want to argue about, but God's will is sure as hell one of them.
Posted by Grace
|
August 6, 2007 9:03 AM
Actually, any sort of notion that what the Duggars are doing as being non-Christian is the most ridiculous notion in the world. There is no one single example of how Christianity could/should show itself. And to denounce the Duggars for not adopting as opposed to having those children is asinine and completely incorrect. The ability to have that many children is a blessing- if it's welcomed, and it is something by the Duggars that is fully embraced. Those two factors combined fully support their Christian ideals and actions. Adopting children who either a. are in need of homes b. have special needs and need homes is just another form of Christianity. And as for Grace- I realize I'm coming into this post more than half a year after the last one, but it's very narrow minded to put up such a sensitive subject as to whether or not a person is truly Christian and then reject debate on it. Fair enough if you no longer wish to discuss it for the sake of the effort put forth, but at the same time anyone making platitudes against your opinion should also be embraced, if nothing else. That's quite the (unfair) judgment you placed on the Duggars. And you have seen nothing to the contrary to give case to your pity for Michelle and her 'patriarchal politician husband'. Perhaps most of the happiness is due to the fact that they are on television, but I am sure there is a huge element of truth to it. The genuine happiness in that family is one of the reasons why their story is so extraordinary. I think you, as well as others should recognize it as one of many facets of God's influence on the people of the earth and refrain from judgement because it truly is remarkable.
Posted by Sara | May 9, 2008 4:40 PM
I assume this has come back up because of today's announcement that the Duggars are expecting again (kid #18). I thought about making a post about that, but honestly, I don't have anything new to say, and nothing nice, so I decided I'd skip it.
Posted by Grace | May 9, 2008 4:52 PM
As a Catholic/Christian I'll say it: THESE PEOPLE ARE SELFISH!!!
This is disgusting. Their attitude is smug to say the least. Having kid after kid like this isin't doing God's will, it's publicity hunting, plain and simple. Even if mom and dad are monetarily rich, they cannot possibly be giving these kids the loving attention and care they need. How would you feel competing with 17 other siblings for attention?
I cannot think for even a second that these people have though through the long term consequences of their actions. Families of four are stretched and strained enough as is in modern society, how can a family of 18 possibly get these kids what they need to become citizens of the world. Their is no justification for what they are doing, and it is setting a horrible example.
Posted by Jackson | May 9, 2008 11:41 PM
When I their first program I admired them. I thought how wonderful to be so organized with such a large family. Then when the show was on again I realized how so much responsibility is heaped on the older children. These parents are very selfish. They just keep making babies and handing them off to the other children. Will these children ever realize their full potention, especially the girls? Childhood is very short and their childhood is being snatched away from very early. It think it is shameful.
Posted by Terry | May 12, 2008 8:17 PM
Geezus.
I just wonder what the grand total will end up being! I do know this: statistically speaking, these folks are in for some problems. At least 2 of the kids will have drug addiction issues, 2 or 3 girls will get pregnant or end up in an abusive relationship, and 2 or 3 of the boys will be in trouble with the law. Not to mention the psychologcial issues likely to develop in some of these kids. Mark my words!!!
Posted by jen | July 2, 2008 3:26 PM
I am utterly in shock from these people. The world is overpopulated enough. We don't need MORE people being brought into this world when the planet and its current citizens are already in trouble. Usually the amount of children one has isn't anyone's business, but it becomes the world's business when they greedily hog resources with their sheer numbers.
I don't care how "well-behaved" these children are; they're brainwashed. It's like they're part of a small army. The children have no sense of individuality, and the parents only taught them to help each other because they couldn't possibly pay attention to all those children themselves. They will grow up never having a sense of what being a kid is. Having responsibilities is one thing, but living as a servant is another.
I am appalled at how selfish these people are. So shame on all of you people who think it's not in our right to judge them. They're screwing everyone else over with their close-minded interpretation of their religion.
Posted by Arielle | August 26, 2008 8:59 PM