What if No One's Watching?

Today, on my first day of post-NaBloPoMo freedom, I've decided to give myself a new blogging task, in order to keep myself writing daily for the next bunch of days. A couple of birthdays ago, my pal and fellow blogger The Princess got me a copy of Maggie Mason's No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog. I read the book immediately, but didn't actually use any of it for blog fodder. Well, now seems as good a time as any to start. So, without further ado, I am going to work my way through Maggie's 100 blog suggestions. As the book is broken up into segments for 15-minute blogging, 30-minute blogging, 60-minute blogging, and longer blogging/more serious "writing," I won't be doing the entries in order, but I will be keeping track of which ones I've done and attempting to do them all. Starting now, with #1.

Maggie writes:

Your cousin wears a red dress to your grandmother's funeral. The guy in the Porsche takes up two spaces at the front of the lot. Your boss enjoys scheduling meetings so she can arrive thirty minutes late.

All of us should just learn to tolerate stupid people. But what if we didn't have to? If you ruled the world, things would be better, at least in a few small ways.

If I ruled the world...

• You could mail international packages from the Automated Postal Center.


• I'd have veto power over everyone's fragrance choices.


• Pet ownership would require passing a test, and be available only through adoption, no for-profit intentional breeding.


• The work week would be 30 hours, flex-time.


• Afternoon naps for adults would be normal.


• Nothing would ever start before 10am


• You could actually live off minimum wage.


• Not cleaning up after yourself would be a prosecutable crime, on par with theft or assault.


• Bad coffee would not exist.


• There would always be something good on TV.


• Everybody would have access to a good library.


• I'd be referred to as "Her Most Esteemed Badassness.

Ah, an auspicious beginning...