What if No One's Watching?

Yesterday, I had occasion to have lunch with a group of people who are a lot different than the people I generally choose to spend social time with. This group was mostly older than I am by a generation or two, mostly had kids, and was mostly fairly "mainstream." During the course of the lunch conversation, it really began to feel like I had nothing in common with them. They talked about the rising price in groceries and which of the two national chains of grocery stores we have locally is better (Mark and I buy the bulk of our groceries at the local co-op). They talked about how to get toddler stains out of upholstery (we use natural cleaning products). They talked make-up (which I don't wear) and sitcoms (which I don't watch). Mostly, I kept my mouth shut unless asked a direct question--as I felt like anything I could say on any of these subjects would sound self-involved and holier-than-thou. Even so, the conversation ended with one person exclaiming that she had no idea I was so virtuous.

Virtuous? Me? As if. I know some absolutely virtuous hippies, people whose consumption actually matches their morals, who are really living lightly on the Earth. Me not so much. So, a list.

Ways in Which I am NOT a Virtuous Hippy

1. I like fast food. A lot. And I don't just nostalgically look back on it, either. I eat it, frequently, generally while driving alone in my SUV.


2. I may not have ever seen Lost or Desperate Housewives, but there is a flat screened TV at my house that cost more than my first car, and we have extended cable. No lack of TV watching.


3. Gallons, tankard trucks, absolute rivers of Pepsi.


4. I love modern medicine. If there is a shot or a pill that will make something unpleasant go away, I'll take it. If I ever have a baby, I want to do it while high as a kite on the best painkillers they can give me, and I want that baby to be fully and completely vaccinated.


5. I don't exercise. Ever. And I cannot and will not ride a bike.


6. I eat meat. I don't plan to stop.


7. I believe that violence, while never pleasant, is sometimes necessary. I also find cinematic violence extremely entertaining.


8. I have really really tried, but I don't like yoga.


9. I consider my period an annoyance.


10. I am scared of Waldorf schools.


11. My dogs can't leave the yard without a leash.

OK. I feel absolved.