teeth movie posterOh my God. I cannot believe this movie.

So, if you've never heard of it, the Teeth
plot synopsis on IMDB begins, "Still a stranger to her own body, a high school student discovers she has a physical advantage when she becomes the object of male violence." Put less subtly, the main character, a high school virgin and purity advocate named Dawn (Jess Weixler), has teeth in her vagina.

Yes. Teeth. In her vagina.

Dawn discovers this when she is raped and her rapist subsequently loses his cock to her vaginal teeth (and goes on to drown, presumably after passing out from shock or blood loss or something). She goes on to unintentionally steal four fingers off a sleazy gynecologist, and then intentionally (or semi-intentionally) bite the dicks off two more sleazoid guys who want to use her for sex.

I don't have a problem with the premise. It's extreme, yes, but done well, I think it could have been great. Netflix called it a "feminist horror flick." I was all over that.

But instead, it's done very, very badly.

First off, each time a disgusting specimen of teen manhood loses his penis to Dawn's teeth, the film shows it. Yes--multiple shots of detached penises, including a pierced one that gets eaten by a rottweiler. I have a strong stomach, folks, but I so did not need to see that. Especially not more than once.

Secondly, it's not funny. Something with this premise needs to be campy, and I think it's supposed to be, but it's just...not. I gagged several times while watching it, but only laughed once, and the funny part had nothing to with Dawn's teeth or the uses she puts them to.

Finally, and this is my biggest problem with the film, there's Dawn herself. Until the last few minutes of the film, Dawn is not a horror movie monster, nor is she the avenging anti-heroine she could be. Instead, she's just this kind of fucked up girl with this gross abnormality, who doesn't seem to get it. While we do get the impression at the end of the film that Dawn may be planning to use her mutation to punish evil men in the future, it's kind of too little too late. For most of the movie, she's a hapless victim and the revenge she extracts on her victimizers is sadly unintentional.

The other thing that becomes clear towards the end of the film is that Dawn can have sex without injuring her parter--the teeth only come out if she's unhappy or being hurt, or if she wants them to. This is a very important caveat in my mind, and if we ever got to see a knowing and sober Dawn have nice healthy sex, she would end up a much better and less sad and pathetic character.

I can't recommend this one, y'all. I still believe there is possibility in the genre of feminist horror, but this definitely isn't it.


She does have consensual sex and the teeth don't come out. But then he does a jerky thing and they do!

I liked it and did think it was funny. For all the gore I thought there was a lot of excellent subtle commentary (i.e. the nuclear trope). I thought a lot of the relationships in the movie were bizarre (the incest subplot?) but I think the end is exactly what you're describing--she becomes a superhero (a normal person with some superhuman strength who uses it to avenge evil).

I thought the actress was really good too. And I would say that the gynecologist moment is the best part of the film as he starts out as a non-villain but quickly turns villainous. It would have been nice to have one male character who was not evil though.

Do you like B horror flicks in general? Because I typically don't, and I didn't totally like Teeth either, but I did think that it fit very much into that genre.

I didn't think it was awful though. Yeah, it was poorly done, but its supposed to be B-movie-esque...and B movies ARE poorly done. I enjoyed that Dawn was...taken aback by her vagina dentata. Because seriously, if I found teeth in my vag, I wouldn't turn into an avenging monster. I would freak the fuck out, and be really upset. Anyway, I was disappointed too, but mostly because I just thought it was boring.

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