Top 10 Weird Things About Living in the Suburbs

| 11 Comments
  1. Everybody calls me ma'am.
  2. Cops doing a speed trap on foot, in a 25 mph zone.
  3. All chain stores all the time.
  4. All the roads are called expressways, parkways, or pikes.
  5. There are at least 50 places to get a manicure within five miles. Also an near endless stream of gyms, Montessori schools, and churches. But damned if I can find a liquor store.
  6. On the "expressways" there are nothing but small commuter cars. In the neighborhood, all SUVs.
  7. I don't think I've seen a woman not wearing makeup yet.
  8. The only tattoo shop I've ever seen that looks like it employed a decorator.
  9. My neighbors look like they're all related.
  10. In the evening, I can hear band practice coming from the High School a couple of blocks over.

11 Comments

are you sure you aren't in a dry town or county?

In Virginia, liquor is sold through the state-owned stores, called VABC (Virginia Alcoholic Beverage Control). The logo makes it look like a drugstore or something, so you may have easily missed it. There are at least 3 in Herndon, according to the website.

yeah i was goign to say "probably because people buy booze at the giant grocery store."

Love the top ten list.

I'd say a few of those are more because you're practically in the south than because you're in the suburbs. (Nos. 1 and 7 in particular.)

1. is true in DC also (see The South, or sort of). 8. is also possibly true but depends what you mean by "decorator," I guess ... I forget where you are (and my NoVa geography sucks, anyway--I can find the airport and the close-in mall and that's IT), but you might have good food. Here's the skinny:
http://www.donrockwell.com/index.php?showtopic=2342

That is hilarious about the on-foot speed traps.

"Everybody calls me ma'am" - that is one of the things I most love about the USA!

"Pike" is a weird regionalism, rather than a suburbanism. It's very common in PA, less so in MD, and common again in VA. Go north of Pennsylvania, and you won't see it. On Long Island, there are similar roads called turnpikes (not to be confused with major toll roads).

Also, the definition of suburbia: 10 strip malls in 10 minutes. Every one has an Angel Tips, takeout, and dry cleaning.

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