The me I don't like

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As I mentioned before, I'm starting to think about my goals for 2010. Part of that is thinking about the person I want to be, the traits I want to cultivate in myself. I have a pretty good handle on the parts of myself I like and want to see more of--my generosity, my curiosity, my love of animals. I recognize the person I am when I like myself, and I'm proud of that person.

The harder question, for me, is what don't I like about myself? What characteristics do I want to erase, or at least minimize?

The first thing that comes to mind is that I lack self-control. I have a hard time denying myself things, or forcing myself to do things that I don't want to do. I don't have a ton of respect for self-control for its own sake, but I do recognize that there are times in ones life where self-control is a very valuable characteristic, and it's one I'd be smart to cultivate.

The next thing that occurs to me is that I'm not patient. Again, I'm not 100% sure patience is quite the virtue it's cracked up to be, but I do know that people who are honestly patient seem to be happier. I also know that my life in the next few years is going to require patience beyond what I have--I don't like it here, I'm anxious to move on, and it's going to be several years before that happens. Hence, cultivate patience.

The third thing is one I have been working on for years, but it continues to plague me. I have a short temper, and am occasionally thrown into a rage that, while not violent, is curse-filled and nasty. It's an immature and ridiculous thing for a 30 year old woman to throw tantrums, and while I don't do it as much as I used to, I still do it. I'm a work in progress there.

Finally, I hate how often I don't stick with things. It is one thing to try something, realize it doesn't work for you, and move on. I'm fine with that. But I try something, realize it does work but it's difficult or inconvenient, and make an excuse to let it drop. I really dislike that about myself. I have a drawer full of journals with three entries each in them, bins of craft supplies for hobbies I learned and then discarded, and so on. I don't want to be a person who quits on things just because they aren't convenient.

So, as I continue brainstorming my goals for 2010, I'm going to keep in mind not just the good things about myself, which I want to strengthen, but also these things, the sad-but-true things, that I want to downplay. If you've got any ideas on how to do that, please do comment.

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This is very interesting. My goals tend to focus on tangible improvements, or increasing already-positive attributes. I left room for some extra goals, and I think changing a few negative habits would be a good idea.

I'm not sure how to do that successfully. I grade goals on a points system - last year out of 100, next year out of 1000. I'm not sure how I could assign points to correcting flaws in personality - other than perhaps having an independent arbiter.

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