This month, Genie's Living Out Loud challenge was just too tempting to pass up.
Tell us some of your rules. Maybe it's how the toilet paper goes on the roll. Maybe it's something about finding the perfect mate. Maybe it's some lesson that involves hiring J. Walter Weatherman to teach your children a lesson about leaving notes. It could be one really important rule or a list of guidelines for living. But the best part is they're your rules.
Rules, y'all. I have a few. However, the real rule master at my house is Mark. Mark has tons of rules. In particular, Mark has Food Rules. Important Food Rules. Food Rules that he frowns deeply upon being broken. And, as they are a lot more amusing, and a lot easier for me to poke fun at, that my own rules, I'm going to share those with you instead.
Mark's Food Rules
- Cheese and seafood shall never, ever, ever mix. No exceptions.
- It doesn't matter how similar pie and cake are to pastry, the former two are desserts and the last is breakfast food.
- Bacon may be eaten at any time of the day or night.
- Tea and coffee are to be consumed altered to tooth-aching sweetness.
- If it costs less than $1, it is not food.
- There are cookies and there are biscuits. Biscuits are for tea-time, with tea, cookies are for before bed, with milk.
- Convenience foods Mark enjoys (Chips Ahoy, pretzels, Snickers bars) are fine. Convenience foods that Grace enjoys (snack cakes of all kinds, Doritos, McDonalds) are disgusting.
- Never eat anywhere with a drive thru.
- Unaltered fruit is suspect. To alleviate suspicion, it must be macerated, poached, or at least sauced in some way.
- Never eat anything that has been touched by a pickle. Pickles are from Satan.
- There is a difference between a pickle and a cornichon.
- There is absolutely no reason to make a simple version of anything if you have access to za'tar.