This month, Genie is asking us to admit our vices. She writes:
Tell us what your vice is. What's your bad habit? Or if applicable, who is your bad habit? (I always think of my friend who said that a guy was Her Favorite Mistake like the Sheryl Crow song.)
You don't need to get all biblical on us, picking one of big seven deadly ones. I knew a guy once who was vegan but every October would sneak off to eat Tootsie Rolls where his vegan girlfriend couldn't find them.
Since wikipedia reminded me that vice is the opposite of virtue, maybe your vice is that you don't return the shopping carts to their corrals in the parking lot or you don't recycle.
This may be my favorite Living Out Loud yet. My friends, I am a person of vices. Lots of 'em. Some of which I am apologetic about, most of which I am not. In fact, I am so full of vices, I had a really hard time coming up with just one or two to tell you about.
So I decided to kick it old school. Even though Genie said it wasn't necessary, I'm gonna get biblical.
Did you know the Seven Deadly Sins are also known as the Capital Vices? And I have ALL of them.
Lust: Probably best not to go into too much detail on this one. Let's just leave it at this: I am unmarried. I am not a virgin.
Gluttony: This is where I really shine. You know those big soft frosted sugar cookies they sell in ten-packs in grocery store bakeries? What my friend Nonny calls "shortening cookies"? I can put down a full ten of those in a sitting. Other examples include whole pizzas, full packages of Oreos, and the fact that I'm not allowed to buy orange Tic Tacs, because I'll eat them all on the first day they are in my purse.
Greed: I have a hard time being honest on this one. I really don't WANT to be a greedy person. That said, my recent job search has made it clear to me that there is greed in my heart. Knowing I can get more money makes me unwilling to take less, even though I don't necessarily need it. Pretty sure that's greed.
Sloth: Another of my gold star categories. Our couch is less than a year old, and there is already a very clear and permanent indentation of my ass on the cushion on which I sit. Working from home, and then unemployment, has made the situation much worse--I regularly sleep 11 or 12 hours a night, and feel virtuous if I get out of bed before 10. I'm not sick, or gestating, I'm just lazy.
Wrath: I am an angry person. That's just the long and short of it. I yell. I throw things. I have even been known to throw an occasional punch. I'm not proud of it, and I've done a pretty good job of curbing it in recent years, but it's always going to be there.
Envy: Oh Lord. Envy, I has it. Most recently, it's been the green, bile-in-the-throat kind I feel every time another friend of mine announces a pregnancy. But it isn't limited to that--I am envious of the skinny, the clear-skinned, the rich, and those who live in areas like actually like. I desire my neighbor's everything.
Pride: I probably think I'm smarter than you. I may also think I'm more interesting, better dressed, or have prettier pets. And no matter how many falls I have, pride still cometh before them.
So that's me and my vices. At least, the ones that are likely to send me south. Don't you just want to be best friends now?